The Story Behind My Low Self-Esteem and Lack of Confidence.

I’ve been criticized, judged, called by harsh nicknames and been destroyed emotionally several times. There were lots of times in the past when I actually believed all of those harsh things people used to say about me. I started buying all of those mean comments without consent. I was giving people the power to define me, the way they wanted.

For several years I had very low self-esteem and no confidence at all. I was always looking for someone else’s approval. My head was always overthinking about the things that others will think about me. I was always worried and afraid of showing the real me or the things that I was capable of doing. I tried to be someone else. Pretending that I liked things when I didn’t, pretending I had something that I actually never had. In a few words, I was always pretending.

During my secondary and high school years, I had really rough times with myself. My self-esteem was in a 3 on a scale of 10. I had really hard moments and discouraging situations, where all I wanted was to stop going to school. The kind of people that surrounded me had their own problems and troubles, but they were always confident or at least that’s what they were trying to show by judging others. I had multiple groups of friends, but every single time, it always ended the same way on the last day of the school period. NO friends at all.

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This affected me so much for many years and I used to blame others because they were always leaving me behind or not including me on plans. But the truth is that I was attracting that behavior. It is well known that everything you focus your mind on, it’s what becomes your reality. And the truth is that my lack of confidence, self-love, and self-esteem was interfering in the friendship relations process. All that negative mindset was really doing its job, it was attracting what I was creating in my head. No love and no confidence.

All of those comments, negativity, lack of true friendships, and criticisms ended my confidence and self-esteem in a huge way. But I’m not blaming the people who used to say it. Because I was the one who was letting them say it. And I’m not leaving myself behind, because even if I don’t want to admit it, I’ve judged others as well, not proud of it, but I have. Sometimes we don’t want to admit or realize that we’ve created pain as well, and that’s something that I’ve been learning. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve said mean words, and I’m really sorry for that. But I’ve learned with consequences and I’m improving myself. I’m trying to create that better version of myself with hard work, meditation, being confident on my skin, and with all of that, my self-esteem is increasing every single day. I was at a 3 out of 10. But after college, after creating a positive mindset, after I went to the psychologist for 6 months and I made time to myself, that score increased by 5.5. Now, I’m at an 8.5 out of 10.

Nowadays I’m really proud of myself. I’m satisfied with the things I’ve learned and discover. I’ve made true friendships and I am happy. I realized I don’t need anyone’s approval to do, share or create something. The only approval I need is from myself. I’ve accomplished a lot of things that for others might be something stupid, but for me, those are big things. And I’m still learning and finding new ways to increase self-love, self-esteem, and confidence.

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In the end, I’m grateful that I crossed my path with those kinds of people. Cause I’ve learned through the years that everything we live, helps us to become a better person in the future. There is a quote that says

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”  – Eleanor Roosevelt

I really love that quote cause it reflects something so wise. Everything I’ve been through has made me the person I am now. Without all of those experiences, I would have never started this blog. Thank that I am creating content that inspires people, content that might help someone who is going through something similar. I’m using those experiences to create something good.

As some of you know, I was really afraid to share my blog with my family and friends. Besides, I still put it out there and the feedback is being overwhelmingly positive. I’m really proud of myself and all the things I’ve accomplished during these 2 past years. I know that if I keep fulfilling my positive mindset I will achieve all my goals and dreams.

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Thank you guys so much for reading. This was a really personal post, but I hope you enjoy it. You know that if you feel like it, you can share your stories with me on the comments on my social media, such as Twitter or Instagram. I really hope to see all your beautiful faces on my next post.

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Hello Everybody! My name is Amanda and I'm a part time lifestyle blogger and full time college student. I love watching movies on Netflix, drinking coffee and spending time with my friends & family!